Brief Update on the War with the Weeds

So for anyone who’s keeping score: the weeds are winning.  It’s not even a close contest.  Landslide victory.  But that undesired greenery is a veritable font of reminders of health (and other) advice:

– When you’re squatting for a long time as you pull up a bunch of short weeds, remember to stand up slowly.  Or better yet, don’t squat for a long time.

– Fasten your glasses with Croakies or some such, since when you are leaning forward and yanking out plants and your hands are full of vines and burrs and your glasses slide off your sweaty nose and you can’t catch them in time because your hands are full of aforementioned stuff and the glasses fall into the jungle that is your yard, it is difficult to find them (especially because you can’t see because your lenses are not in the appropriate location to counteract your myopia and astigmatism).

– Wear thick, protective, leather gloves rather than the thin fabric ones that the spiky stuff pokes right through.

– Beware of mosquitos.

– Huge spiders may appear out of nowhere, so don’t panic if your spouse screams unexpectedly – one of you needs to remain calm enough to handle the situation.

– Shower immediately after yard work to minimize the time potentially irritating plant oils are on your skin so you don’t get little itchy red dots all over your arms.

– Long sleeves and pants are a good idea.  White pants are not.

– When you’re filling a yard waste bag, it’s kinda dumb to lift your foot up and jam it into the top of a bag full of previously mentioned spiky stuff and sharp sticks to try to make more room.  Just start another bag.

– Buy a fingernail brush.  I don’t know how dirt gets through even the thick, protective leather gloves, but it does.

– If you have a big picture window and you’re weeding the area with thick groundcover in front of that window, it would not be too far a stretch of the imagination to predict that one might occasionally find a dead bird that had flown into said window (“so THAT’S what that thunk was last week!”), so again, try not to have a heart attack when the person tending that area lets out a shriek.  The household member with the most strength of character should simply use an elaborate mechanism of multiple-plastic-bag-covered-shovels to dispose of said bird so that you don’t have to come anywhere near touching it (or anything it’s touched) and it ends up at least quintuple-bagged.

– Those yard waste bags can get awfully heavy awfully quickly.  Check liftability frequently so you don’t end up with a 200 pound paper bag of weeds as permanent garden art.

I hope your Saturday afternoon was as much fun as mine was!

2 thoughts on “Brief Update on the War with the Weeds

  1. Cindy Pinsonnault

    It seems as though some of your sage advice may have come from experience, yes? Thank you for helping the rest of us avoid some of those pitfalls. Sounds like a very productive and fun afternoon!


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